Top 10 Reports on AttackWatch.com This Weekend (Humor)

10. President announces Halloween costume for this year. He'll be a solar-powered, energy efficient light bulb.

9. President hungover from drinking beer with a real American Hero, Sgt. Dakota Meyers.

8. After humiliating AttackWatch.com debut, depressed Obama2012 campaign crew mulls possible new website, AttackScotch.com.

7. Obama spells out secret 2012 re-election strategy. Be El Ay Em EE - Eye Tee - Oh In - Bee You Es Ayche (BLAME IT ON BUSH).

6. Air Force and Marine One were grounded due to an FAA union strike.

5. President's new armored bus impounded by EPA because it exceeded clean air and fuel efficiency standards by 50,000 percent.

4. All Pentagon systems jammed. White House checking to see if LightSquared is testing again.

3. Power Outage at White House. Maintenance crews unable to reach Solyndra to fix the new solar panels.

2. DUD GPS-GUIDED MISSILE STRIKES STATUE OF LIBERTY as DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE tests LIGHTSQUARED wireless phones in New York Harbor.

1. FIRST SHOVEL-READY JOB DISCOVERED! Harry Reid found scooping-poop in the Democratic Party mascot's stable.